this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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