Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
