you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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