I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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