If i come over, it means nothing
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
