What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
