Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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