This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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