i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
