so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
