Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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