Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
