When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
