and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
