and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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