you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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