Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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