Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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