I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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