and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm getting married
To pizza
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
