i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
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