OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
