why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
