I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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