were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
