The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
