Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
