using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
