dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
These tits shall not be calmed
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
