May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
