I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
