She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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