My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
