You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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