I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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