So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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