Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My hand turned me down
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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