Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
we made out on top of his cat.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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