can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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