I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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