You're so nebulous sometimes
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
