I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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