he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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