Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
