We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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