I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
