Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
