In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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