i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
