The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
