its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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