do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
