Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
