haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
