I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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