I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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