Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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