booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
