The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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