Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Sorry about my life...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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