We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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