you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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