Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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