I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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