It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
