Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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