just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I will pee on everything he values.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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