My room smells like vodka and shame
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
