I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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