just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
