Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
