Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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