Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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