I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
