I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
