Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
