ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
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She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
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I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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