Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
