You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
