It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
