How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
love makes seman taste better
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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