I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
