I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
