remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
