We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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