just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
