trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
